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Mama Said

It was some time between midnight and 3am. I was dead asleep. I’d fed the littliest at midnight so it was after that, and it was before he woke up for a feed at 3am. This hardly matters, because that time of night is Hell unless you’re pashing, happy drunk, smoking in a bar, dancing, or on drugs – y’know, generally having a fulfilling life that doesn’t involve milk dripping out of your breasts or playing the fart or shit game. So, I’m asleep and I feel this tiny hand on my face and then there’s a kiss on my forehead. And for a second I’m confused like – did the tiny one do that? He’s only four-weeks-old? Is he a mutant? That would be amazing. And then I realise it’s my big baby and I pull him into my arms while still asleep and think “oh he’s delicious”. But…

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How to Be a Ladyperson at the Holidays: 10 Important Tips

Straight from the ad pages of your favorite magazines, here’s your guide to being a girl in December. Take notes.

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1. Stay cozy. Wear a baby.

wear a baby If you play your cards right, your sensitive, goateed dad/boyfriend/professor will reward you with a pair of socks made out of his extra sweater sleeves.

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2. Flaunt your complexity.

Embrace all your many dimensions. Think: "I'm an heiress and an Italian professor at this upscale tropical funeral." Show off all your many dimensions at once. When planning outfits for your holiday soirées, think: “I’m an heiress and an Italian professor at this upscale tropical funeral.”

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3. Represent feminine softness in a hard masculine world.

coach All around you are skyscrapers made of bricks and iron and glass and ouchy things. They’re all pointy and hard. But not you. You’re a soft pink flower in a gentle haze of light. Everything around you is blooming, because you breathed springtime into winter. You’re a superfresh candypants sugarblossom.

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4. If you’re truly hot, you…

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My Season of Sad

Christmas makes me sad. At first it probably made me happy, then it made me very angry. Now it makes me sad. And so very full of guilt. I get it. It's Christmas. Cool. I wish there was a way around it, a way I could press eject and get off the ride, but I... Continue Reading →

Handy, not so handy

My dear Noodlers! I've neglected my poor blog of late but not for lack of trying. In August I stumbled up the stairs at home and used my right hand to catch my very small fall. The following day I wrote some 5000 words on the Blood of Heirs draft, thinking the ache in the... Continue Reading →

Space, Time and a Pale Blue Dot

Husband and I went for a date tonight, and a Journey Through the Cosmos with Professor Brian Cox and the Queensland Symphony Orchestra. The fabulous talk given by Cox was supplemented by amazing live music inspired by our solar system and our exploration of it. Yet one moment took my breath away... Prof Cox flicked... Continue Reading →

The Cup of Life or Death

After years of mixed feelings, I'm calling it quits on the Melbourne Cup... Actually, for that matter, all forms of horse and animal racing or performance. For the second year in a row, a Cup racer has died. This year, favourite thoroughbred Admire Rakti finished last after a poor start and collapsed in its stall... Continue Reading →

A Dream

Grrrr I want to write so badly!! In lieu of new words, I found & edited some I wrote at the Brisbanep Writers Festival: "I had an awful dream... They were gone; cut away and shattered. When I spoke they responded as if only sleeping. Rolling with a groan, disturbed yet not waking. They heard... Continue Reading →

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